We once had a student from our youth group tell us that their dog was their best friend. Now, I know that dogs are man’s best friend and all, but I don’t think this is ideal for the average teenager. Additionally, this student isn’t one who doesn’t have friends. They are one of our core, always surrounded by other students. They aren’t an outcast or a wallflower. What was going on?

Our students are constantly surrounded by people. At school. In sports. At home. On their phone. Constant contact. But we’ve been seeing so much more that their relationships are incredibly surface-level. In reality, how can we expect anything different? How can they grow in relationships when their peers are their competition? They have to and must do better than the kid sitting next to them to achieve greatness in life. At least that’s what they’re being told. 

Yet, they are craving intimacy and desiring authentic relationships. Wanting to be known. This needs to cause us to stop and ask: how can we help our students foster youth group community in a superficial world?

Here are some strategies that I’ve found successful within my youth group, and I hope they will help yours!  

1. Leverage Your Small Groups

Consistent and reliable small groups have a huge impact. After we’ve finished teaching, we break into smaller groups and “get to discuss what the teaching was about.” (I put that in quotes because, in reality, that is maybe 2% of what small groups accomplish.) When we give our students a reliable space to show up each week with the same peers and the same adult, awesome things can happen! It becomes a place where they can ask questions, be seen, and not have to strive to accomplish anything. We are giving them a space to just be within their youth group community. So while discussing the teaching is great and should be highlighted, I encourage you to use your small groups for so much more! 

Some small group tips:

• Awkward silence is only awkward if you make it awkward.
• Give them something to do during their small group. We find students are way more talkative if they are actively doing something. Make a craft, play a game, or bake some cookies! 
• Keep the groups consistent. Not just week after week but year after year. Ideally, we like to keep our student’s small group the same until they graduate so they aren’t starting over each school year. 
• Utilize the discussion guide! Grab that G Shades discussion guide and put it to good use.
  

2. Plan Activities To Do At Youth Group

I’ve found that giving students an activity to do together really does help them connect and foster community. Not only are they more likely to talk when their hands are busy with a task, but they are creating a shared memory! Even the smallest or most trivial of things can become something they’ll talk about for years to come. 

We recently had a night to celebrate our graduating seniors, and I put out some games and puzzles for the students. Well, 12 students and three hours later: a 1,000-piece puzzle was complete! It was so fun to watch how something simple like a puzzle was bringing these kids together (even the ones that don’t usually get along!) and drawing them into their youth group community. 

3. Implement Discipleship For Deeper Community

If you do nothing else, do this. If you don’t know where to start, start here.

Start with discipleship, and everything else will follow. 

I’ve found that 2(or 3):1 discipleship has been the most effective way to foster deep community. I mean, that’s the way Jesus did it, so who are we to be shocked?! This tiny group is a place where your students can come and ask their hardest questions. They can confess their most difficult sins. 

Discipleship groups are an avenue to share life with these students. When you move past superficial pleasantries and start doing life together, that is where deep connections are formed. And not just with their peers but with you, too. 

A couple of years ago, I had the privilege of being the matron of honor at one of my former students’ weddings. She had been in a discipleship group with me for years. We had the opportunity to walk through life together. I saw her through some of the darkest valleys and highest moments. Times I never would have gotten to be part of just seeing her at youth group.

Oh, and the other student who was in that group with us? Bride’s maid. 😉 

Grab These Reads!

Want to gather a better understanding of discipleship? Grab a copy of Growing Up by Robby Gallaty.

Want to start a discipleship group with some of your students? My favorite book to start with is This Changes Everything by Jaquelle Crowe.

4. Work On Being Vulnerable With Them

As their leaders, we really have to lead by example. We can’t expect our students to foster a deep community in this group we’ve thrown them into if we don’t show them what deep community looks like. We have to show them what it looks like to move past superficial encounters and into being vulnerable.

Yup, be vulnerable with your students. Now, I’m not saying you should divulge all of your struggles and deepest sins onto the closest 14-year-old you find, but I am saying it is okay to talk about hard things if we want to build community within our youth groups.

When we share, our students are much more likely to build trust with us and the rest of the students around them. It begins to create a safe space where their peers move past acquaintances and move towards a rich community. 

Youth Group Community

Helping students foster a deep youth group community isn’t easy. Quite honestly, it requires a good bit of time, dedication, and heart. But friends, it is so so worth it! We were made for community. This culture of superficial relationships does not fulfill the longing for fellowship that God placed in us. Your students were made to know and be known. 

Check Out These Related Posts

The Role Of Discipleship In Youth Ministry Curriculum

Running an Effective Youth Ministry When Numbers Are Low