How Do I Respond When A Student Talks About Drugs, Vaping, and Drinking at Youth Group
I got a group FaceTime call from some of my students at the time. I picked up knowing one of
Games are often the easiest thing to default to. If only five students show up and the room feels quiet, play a game. If the group is loud and restless, play a game. Or maybe if the lesson wraps up early, play a game. None of those decisions are wrong. The issue isn’t that we play games. The issue is that we rarely think about what those games are accomplishing. So let’s talk about using games effectively in youth ministry.
We all want students to love being in our space. We want their guard down, their laughter loud, and their friends invited. Games can do all of that. They help students relax. Games create shared memories. They build trust faster than a discussion circle ever could. When used intentionally, games are not wasted minutes. They are one of the most effective relational tools we have.
To be honest, my youth group was a hot mess. Some people would absolutely call it that. We had youth pastors rotating in and out like it was a football substitution. From sixth grade through twelfth grade, I had seven youth pastors. Yes, seven. After a while, I stopped trying to get close because I assumed they would leave anyway.
It was dysfunctional. There was inconsistency. There was drama. But even in the middle of all of that, I can still name the core memories I have from playing games.
Showing up forty-five minutes early just to play basketball with my friends. Chugging a smoothie made of sour straws and sardines. Playing manhunt throughout the entire building. Acting out a Bible scene but setting it in 2010. Talking to Jesus through your Chocolate phone (if you know, you know). Shuffle Your Buns. Chicken in a Hen House.
Those moments are burned into my memory. Games matter. Twenty years later, I can still list them. Most of those games had nothing to do with Jesus directly, but they had everything to do with connection. We laughed. We stayed late. Sometimes we continued the game at Wendy’s after the youth group ended.
Games reveal things that small group discussions sometimes can’t. Want to see who naturally leads? Ask them to create and perform a song. Want to see who is creative? Have them design their own minion. Want to see who thrives on themes? Throw a ’90s costume night and see who shows up fully committed.
We all know the stereotypical middle school boy energy. Games give squirmy students a place to move, compete, and release that energy so they are more ready to sit and listen when it is time to teach.
When I first started as a middle school youth pastor, I was quickly reminded that they can’t sit still, won’t stop touching each other, and can’t stop talking while I’m talking. I realized early on that if I wanted Sunday mornings to run smoothly and if I didn’t want to repeat “stop being a middle school boy” every five seconds, we needed to play a game.
The games are usually simple. Most of the time, they’re screen-based. Sometimes they’re more action driven. Rarely does a game last more than five minutes. They aren’t elaborate, and they aren’t long. But those five minutes create space for students to talk to their friends and get their energy out, so that when it’s time to teach, there’s no excuse for not sitting, listening, and engaging.
It genuinely changed our environment. In fact, when eighth graders move up to high school, one of the first things they say is, “It’s so different. We barely play games.”
Games create laughter. Laughter creates connection. Connection builds trust. And trust is what holds a group together. In fact, research from the Fuller Youth Institute notes that thoughtful games and activities help form friendships and welcome new students into community.
As youth pastors, we want our students to feel connected and have a great time, so they are more likely to come back. For a middle schooler, it can be intimidating to walk into a room full of people they don’t know. Games help bridge that gap.
Games are one of the most effective ways to get students talking and building relationships.
Design your games with interaction in mind:
One element that can completely change the trajectory of games in your ministry is you. Be the example. Show students what it looks like to win with humility, to be a team player, and to lose with grace. Whether they say it out loud or not, students are watching. They look to us to set the tone.
When I first started as a youth pastor, I didn’t want anything we did to make me look bad. I wanted to be the coolest person in the room through my outfit, my conversation, everything. My story is that I started youth ministry in my 30s, and I didn’t want that to show. I wanted to look sharp and feel in control.
The first game we played was Sherlock, the one where someone leaves the room, and everyone changes something. The students picked me to go first. I stepped out, they changed one thing, and I came back in. I couldn’t find it. They even gave me ten guesses, and I still couldn’t it. They finally revealed the answer.
After that, the game became, “Let’s see if we can keep Brooke from getting it.” They were so good that out of ten rounds, I only guessed one correctly. I was completely in my feelings about it. I hadn’t won the game, and it bothered me.
One of my leaders, who has been in youth ministry for over 30 years, came up to me and said, “Wow, you’re really good at this. In your first week, you already showed the kids how to enjoy a game even when you’re not that good at it.”
I needed to hear that. I needed to be reminded that earning respect wasn’t about looking cool or using the right lingo. It was about being an example. Demonstrating it’s okay to lose. Showing them how to handle it. Showcasing how to win without pride.
Be the example. Even when you think losing isn’t impactful, the way you respond in every situation matters more than you realize.
When your youth group’s games are building a connection, you will see it.
1. Students want to keep playing.
The best compliment is when kids don’t want the game to end. Make note of that and bring that game back soon.
2. Students are bought in from the start.
From the moment you say “go,” they’re locked in. They care. They’re engaged. They’re invested.
3. Students reference past games.
When they bring up moments from previous games, that’s connection at work.
In our college ministry, we started playing a game at the beginning of each meetup. One of the first games was “Can’t Say Um.” That’s the game. You have to describe two words to your team and get them to guess both, without saying “um.”
One of our leaders got up, and the very first thing he said was “um.” The room erupted. It became, “Let’s not be like Devon.” We played several rounds, and every time he got up, he couldn’t help himself, he said um.
The game was silly. It wasn’t tied to a message. It had nothing to do with Jesus directly. But it bonded our group in a way that carried into every conversation afterward. Months later, if he says “um,” someone calls it out. That moment created a connection. It created a memory. It created culture.
Celebrate moments, not just the big victories. If someone gives their best effort and misses, say, “Good try.” If someone gives a great answer, say, “Nice job.” When someone scores or makes a save, acknowledge it. When you recognize even the small wins, you change the dynamic. Everyone can be celebrated, not just the superstar.
Games are a tool. They build connections and remind students that church can be joyful. When I think about my church experience growing up, it was serious—often very serious. There’s a time and place for that. But there’s also something powerful about showing students that you can have fun at church.
If the environment feels too serious all the time, students are less likely to come back.
Have fun! Let loose! Be silly!
When you use games intentionally to build relationships rather than simply fill time, you create trust. And trust opens the door for discipleship. When trust is present, walls come down. When walls come down, students lean into the message.
Start small. Choose two or three games. See how it goes. Be adaptable. If a game flops, move on. If a game connects, bring it back. Let your students experience how much fun church can be when games shift from time killers to relationship builders.
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