How Do I Respond When A Student Talks About Drugs, Vaping, and Drinking at Youth Group
I got a group FaceTime call from some of my students at the time. I picked up knowing one of
As youth pastors, we want our students to like our youth group and what we do for our ministry—because if they don’t like it, they most likely won’t come back.
The biggest shift that adds buy-in from your students—and leads to more openness—is reiterating to your students that “this youth group isn’t just your ministry; it’s our ministry. This ministry becomes something special when you show up.”
Here are seven proven ways to increase student buy-in for your youth group events.
Let them shape the ministry. In some ways, the rest of these numbered ways below branch off of this first one. In everything you do, have a goal of trying to increase the level of ownership your students feel in your ministry. This can look like:
• Do different events. Have crazy themed events that they come up with.
• Have them come up with games to play.
• Ask them what they want to learn at your programming (topics).
• Create teams that the students can sign up for and lead (worship, welcome, host, tech, photography, and events teams).
And I get it. This is kind of terrifying. Giving teenagers a platform to share at youth group feels risky sometimes. I imagine Jesus felt the same way when He told loud-mouthed Peter and another disciple to go off and preach and teach and heal in His name. But this can be such a powerful tool in your ministry. This can look like:
•Tap a student to share a part of their testimony.
• Ask a student to share a silly memory of middle school.
• Nominate a student to share about how their prayer life looks.
• Choose an older student to give advice to the 8th graders who are about to transition to high school.
It can be scary, and occasionally you’re going to have to mop up some mistakes. But allowing students to share in your ministry is not only good for the buy-in of the students sharing, but also for the spiritual development of those who hear from their peers.
Students want to be heard. They pay attention to topics they can relate to. Even as an adult, I tune out if my dad is talking about fixing cars—but I’m totally engaged when he’s talking about Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift getting engaged. Why? Because it’s relatable. It has my attention.
Being a teenager is hard these days. Making the Bible and teachings relatable to what a high school sophomore is going through makes them check in, lock in, and want to learn more. This can look any number of ways:
It’s easier said than done, I know. We aren’t as young and cool as we used to be. But when we can intentionally design our environments to meet students right where they are, that’ll increase their buy-in. This is where a great youth ministry curriculum comes into play, by the way. A great youth ministry curriculum does the heavy lifting of meeting students where they are. So if you’re looking for more support building lesson plans that meet students where they are, consider the Base G Plan from G Shades.
Teenagers are just like you and me—they long to be seen, heard, and loved. They need to build trust with you for them to buy into what you’re doing. In fact, trust is at a premium: a recent survey found only 14% of young people fully trust organized religion. That means showing up to their world – go to their plays, games, and bake sales – is crucial. When students see you genuinely care about what matters to them, they’re far more likely to invest in what’s happening at youth group.
On a similar note, always give 100%. Whether 25 students show up or 2 students show up, give them your best. Show them that they matter—no matter how many. It’s not about numbers; it’s about who is there.
Be a good listener. As youth pastors, we get into the mode of teach, preach, teach—and we lose sight of listening. Yes, it is important to teach and preach the gospel, but it is just as important to be a good listener. Listen to your students. Make time to listen to them. Hear and acknowledge what they’ve been through or what they are going through. Don’t try to fix it—just listen.
When you buy into their things, they’ll be a whole lot more likely to buy into yours.
It matters for students to know you remember something about them.
If the last conversation was about a basketball game, ask them how it went. If you like a pair of shoes they’re wearing, tell them. Send a text or video telling them you’re praying for them or leaving them a message of encouragement for the week.
If your church policy and your own boundaries allow, be social media friends with your students so you can see what they’re doing or what they’re involved in.
And make sure to call them by name. We all love when people remember our name and say it correctly. When you do, they’re likely to come back (or come back) to your youth group events regardless of how fun or hyped they are—because they know youth group is where they’re seen.
Be intentional in inviting your students to your events, youth group, and camps. Make a secret handshake that they help create. Have an inside joke from each event. Create a special event for the seniors—something they can look forward to when they become seniors in your ministry.
Often we feel we have to recreate the wheel in order to keep students engaged. And it’s absolutely the case we need to be sure our events don’t get stale. But at the same time, everything else in a teenager’s life is constantly changing and evolving. There’s something very comforting for teenagers about predictability and nostalgia—especially when it comes to their church community.
Remember that each group of students may be different. What worked for the kids in your ministry three years ago might not work for the current group you have. So, I know this one kind of goes against number six, but somehow both are absolutely true. You need to be willing to change things—even if they feel like traditions in your ministry.
In my youth group, for instance, we drew a stick figure character on canvas several years ago. His name is Henry Bob Jr., and he’s become the mascot of our ministry. We still reference Henry Bob Jr., and students today who weren’t here three years ago still love him, because that “tradition” is simple enough to have carried well over time. Conversely, the high school group at our church once had a laminated sign in the youth room that said “Good Vibes Only”. For a while, “GVO” was constantly yelled out at youth group among the high school students. It was a thing. But, several years later now, that laminated GVO sign is buried in the corner of the youth room somewhere. It was a fantastic, culture-building, silly thing for a while, but didn’t last forever at our youth group. And that’s okay.
So in your ministry, do your best to pay attention to which traditions are Henry Bob Jr things, and which are GVO things!
Getting students to buy-in feels like such an uphill battle. At the end of the day, even these proven methods don’t absolutely guarantee that every student will fall head over heels in love with your youth group events. Teenagers are human beings, and we can’t control them or their schedule. But when you make the ministry theirs, let them share, meet them where they are, build trust, follow up, and create traditions while keeping an eye on flexibility, over time you’ll be well on your way to increasing the buy-in your students have at your youth group. Transformation takes time. It’s true of our sanctification in Christ Jesus, and it’s true of buy-in with our students. So don’t give up!
For a step-by-step approach to finding the right curriculum for your youth group, check out our comprehensive guide to choosing the best youth ministry curriculum for your church!
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