The Opportunity of Atheism: Inviting Teenagers To Follow Jesus Before They Believe
This is probably one of the most unhinged titles of any blog post I’ve ever written. But I believe in
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Of course, this is something that’s more important than just one month, but it’s a great reminder that we don’t always know what’s going on beneath the surface in a student’s life. Mental health has become a much bigger topic over the last decade or so. We see students talking about it more, and even therapists online sharing helpful information. But just because mental health is talked about more openly doesn’t mean that it’s now easy for students to open up about their own struggles.
When I was in high school, I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation. I never really knew how to talk about it, so most of the time, that meant I didn’t talk about it. For me, it was hard enough to figure out what I was feeling, let alone try to communicate it to someone else. Now, mental health affects everyone differently, so what I experienced could be completely different from what another student, or even you, are experiencing. We may have the same diagnosis and still experience it very differently.
I am in no way a mental health professional. All I can share are my own experiences. But we don’t have to have a psychology degree to listen to a student when they talk about something difficult. I believe learning about mental health and how the brain works is worth knowing, especially when working with students. But again, we don’t have to get our PhD in it to know how to love these students well. If anxiety is part of what a student is carrying, our youth group lessons on anxiety can also help you open up that conversation.
Because in my experience, and from what I’ve heard from other students, dealing with mental health struggles can feel extremely lonely. No matter how many TikToks we see of people feeling or dealing with the same things, we can still feel alone, like no one will ever really understand.
When I was leading at a church, we had a student pass away by suicide. He was an amazing young man. He would show up every Sunday to serve with the middle schoolers, then engage with our high schoolers and even help plan our events. As the leader of that youth group, I felt like I had failed him. I can’t tell you how many times I thought, “If I had only reached out more.”
I didn’t know how to lead others through it or help them process the loss. And honestly, I didn’t know how to help myself or deal with what I was feeling. I felt like I was letting down my students and leaders, but I also felt like I was letting God down.
I wish I had this amazing story with five steps on how to handle moments like this. But the truth is, I’m still working through it. So the only thing I can say is this: keep relying on God and keep loving these students the way He loves them.
When I was in college, I had a class on the Fruit of the Spirit. Each week, we went deeply into one of the attributes. The second week was joy, and I learned something that completely changed how I understood it. Joy isn’t the absence of sadness. It’s being able to have hope and peace even in the middle of sadness.
For example, maybe you just had the worst week of your life. I mean, everything went wrong. But then you get home, turn on your favorite show, and finally get to relax. You laugh at something happening on the show, or maybe you hear a song that makes you smile. For a few minutes, you feel at peace. Your week is still awful. Nothing magically changed. But for that moment, you were able to experience happiness.
That’s joy.It’s being able to find moments of peace, hope, or even happiness in the middle of whatever difficult thing you’re dealing with.
Now, you may be thinking, “Great class, Aidan, but how does this relate to my student?”
Often, students who are facing mental health struggles lose hope. They can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. All they can see or feel is how alone they are. When we remind students that Jesus is with them in those moments—that He isn’t standing at the end of the tunnel waiting for them to figure everything out, but is with them in the middle of it—we can help them remember that they aren’t alone. And sometimes, that is where hope begins.
Mental health isn’t something that should be scary, but it is something that needs to be taken seriously. So when a student comes to you with their struggles, please don’t fall back on the default response of, “Pray about it.” Instead, show them that you’re willing to listen and walk with them through this. Pray with them. Pray for them. And in all things, remind them that Jesus is with them in the middle of the mess.
We’ll get into the dos and don’ts next, but I feel like I need to add a disclaimer beforehand.
Handling these conversations is hard—whether a student is talking about mental health or drugs, vaping, or drinking. You don’t have to say all the right things. You don’t have to have every answer. What a student often needs most is someone who is willing to stay with them in the mess. They need to know that you love them in the good and the bad. Showing up is one of the best things we as leaders can do for a student who is struggling.
I am a firm believer that Jesus can and will carry us through the struggles we face in life. I also believe that Jesus has given people the knowledge and ability to help us through those struggles, whether that’s through medicine, therapy, or other forms of professional support. To that end, here’s a phenomenal resource for helping teenagers through mental health as youth leaders: Teenagers and Mental Health: A Handbook for Pastors, Parents, and Youth Leaders.
Relying on these things isn’t a lack of faith. It’s getting the help we need from people who know how to help in healthy ways.
As leaders, there are limits to what we can do. So as we head into the “do’s and don’ts,” I want to remind you of something: it’s okay to bring other people in to help your student. If that’s what is needed to keep a student safe, it’s something we have to do. I’ll explain more about that in just a moment, but first, let’s talk about some things we shouldn’t do.
Truthfully, you can’t fix them. Mental health isn’t something where you can just slap some paint on it and suddenly everything looks better. I know we all want to tell a student the five things they can do to feel better, but trust me, that can cause more hurt than help.
They aren’t a car that needs to be fixed. They’re a person who needs love and support. Our job isn’t to make everything better. Our job is to walk with them and help them find the support they need.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking these struggles to God. Honestly, it’s one of the best things we can do. But telling a student to only pray about it can add shame to something they’re already struggling with. I grew up in the church, and I heard this many times. When I didn’t start to feel any better, my first thought was, “God’s mad at me.” I thought maybe this was His way of punishing me for something I had no idea about.
My faith in God during those moments was actually very strong because I knew, with everything inside of me, that He could change what I was experiencing. But when He didn’t, it felt like He had left me. It’s good to pray. It’s good to read your Bible. And of course it’s good to take your struggles to God. But don’t let those be the only things you offer a struggling student. Pray with them. Pray for them. And help them find the support they need.
Never make a promise that you won’t tell anyone. This can become a very dangerous thing to do. When a student tells you about their struggles, there may be times when you need to bring other people into the conversation for their safety. So, don’t promise to keep something secret. Instead, be honest with them. You could say: “I can’t promise not to tell others, but I can promise to be with you through this.” They may not like hearing that. But knowing that you’re going to stay with them through the process can make a huge difference.
Sharing similar experiences with a student can be extremely helpful. That’s part of why I’ve shared some of my own experiences throughout this post. However, don’t turn the conversation into your own trauma-dump session. You are there to listen to the student. You can share that you understand or that you’ve experienced something similar, but make sure the focus stays on them rather than yourself.
Here are some helpful things to remember when you’re having these conversations.
Take time to hear them completely. Don’t try to fill every silence. Sometimes students need a moment before they can open up completely. Another important part of listening is not filling in the blanks for them. Listen to what they’re actually saying instead of putting words in their mouth or assuming you know what they mean. Let them tell you their story in their own words.
No matter how a student acts, you never truly know what’s going on underneath the surface. So, always take these conversations seriously. Don’t dismiss a student because you always see them being happy, because they’re involved at church, or because you know their family and think everything is fine. These are big feelings to them, even if they seem “small” to you.
Ask questions. Lots of questions. You aren’t going to magically know everything a student is feeling, so give them opportunities to tell you.
A few questions you can ask are:
And if a student brings up suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm, be direct with your questions. You can ask:
I know that last one seems extremely heavy, but it’s important to ask. Ask these questions gently, calmly, and from a place of love and concern.
You may have heard about the “3 Hurts.” If you haven’t, the basic idea is that there are certain situations where a leader needs to bring another responsible adult or appropriate professional into the situation. Those three areas are:
If a student brings up one of these three things, don’t handle it by yourself. For a youth leader, that may mean contacting your youth pastor or ministry supervisor and following your church’s safety and reporting policies. Depending on the situation, parents/guardians, mental-health professionals, emergency services, child-protection authorities, or other appropriate professionals may also need to be involved. Your student may get upset when you bring someone else into the conversation. They may even feel like you’ve betrayed their trust.
But you can remind them: “I’m telling someone because I care about you and I want to make sure you’re safe. I’m not leaving you alone in this.” Don’t wait until things get worse before asking for help. And one important note for leaders: know your church’s policies and the laws that apply where you live before a crisis happens. You don’t want to be figuring that out in the middle of one.
This one may seem odd, but when you’re faced with a hard conversation like this, it’s incredibly important to have someone you can go to as well. To be a good and healthy leader, we need people pouring into our lives too. You cannot constantly pour into students without ever allowing someone to pour into you. So whatever that looks like in your life, make sure you have people you can talk to, pray with, and process difficult situations with. Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you a less committed leader. It helps you continue being a healthy one.
I know that’s a lot. And honestly, it’s okay if it feels overwhelming. The most important thing I want you to take away from all of this is simple: Show up. You don’t have to have every answer. You don’t have to know exactly what to say. Love your students. Listen to them. Take them seriously. Know when to bring other people in. And let God work through you. He brings peace, joy, and love — all things these students desperately need. So let Him lead you as you walk with your student through the hard moments. You don’t have to carry it all.
If a student is in immediate danger or you believe they may act on thoughts of suicide or self-harm, don’t leave them alone and don’t try to handle the situation by yourself. Follow your church’s emergency/safety procedures and contact the appropriate emergency or crisis resources.
Here’s a 5 Step Action Plan from the National Institute of Mental Health to help someone experiencing acute suicidal ideation.
In the U.S., call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911.
I know all of this was heavy. And I know that when you have these conversations with students, it can feel very heavy too. But please know that when you’re faced with these difficult topics and conversations, you are not alone.
There are so many people who understand how heartbreaking it is to hear a student talk about the struggles they’re facing. We understand how defeating it can feel when you desperately want to take their pain away, but you can’t. But when we simply show up and show the love of Christ, amazing things can happen.
I know I’ve shared a lot of stories about myself throughout this post, but it’s because of the leaders I had in my life growing up that I’m able to write about these things today. They didn’t come in wearing a cape to my rescue. They simply sat with me. Those little moments showed me how loved I was. They reminded me that I had more worth than I could ever understand at the time.
We don’t have to play the hero with our students. We just need to love them. Jesus will lead us as we walk alongside them.
Because it can be helpful to talk about mental health in sermon format, check out our Reframe Series from the Shop. It’s a 4-week youth group series exploring mental health through a gospel lens.
As always, you got this!
This is probably one of the most unhinged titles of any blog post I’ve ever written. But I believe in
A healthy student worship team gives teenagers meaningful opportunities to use their gifts, grow as disciples and serve the church.
Every student who walks into your youth group is carrying something you may never see. They might walk in laughing,